shake, rattle, and roll

up until the other night i smugly thought i knew what the phrase “did the earth move?” meant.

i had a few chapters left in that lesson.

i had gone to bed early that evening.  like before sunset early.

so i was pretty rested by 2:30 am.  and feeling pretty good about myself for being such a good boy.

two minutes later all that changed.

i heard a groaning like nothing (literally) i had ever heard before.

i was just about to say “wtf!?” when the shit hit the fan.  again, literally.

the bed, no, the room, wait, no, the HOUSE was shaking like  nothing i had ever experienced before.

i said to myself, “self, this is either a bad ass earthquake, a case of demonic posession, or the ex has found out where you live!  either way you’ve got to get out of this shit and get out NOW!”

i am still unable to explain how i got dressed and out of there.

when it was all over all that i lost was one jelly glass that had fallen off the table.

my bottle of Jim Beam had merely moved to the edge of the refrigerator top (where he used to live) as if to look over the edge to see what had happened.

of all the stuff inside my fridge the only thing that came out was a bottle of gatorade.

considering that everything else in there was either butter, bacon, beef, or cream cheese i’m not really sure if it was an accidental death, suicide, or  he was thrown out.

i’m going to go to tranquila bar now.

i think i’m suffering from Post Traumatic Earthquake Syndrome.


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