end times

i’m now certain that the end times are upon us.

fran drescher, (star?) of ,arguably, the absolute worst tv sitcom of all time (the nanny) has announced that she is taking aim at the senate seat left vacant by hillary clinton.

and people are taking her seriously.

my first reaction was: “you gotta be shitting me!”

followed by: “wtf!?”

so, as an act of self preservation, in an attempt to determine if this was or was not an actual instance of reality and not my ex-wife playing some evil trick on my subconcious self, (can she have possibly mastered the subleties of quantum physics!?) i decided to snap myself back to the reality in which i am most comfortable.

i would cook bacon nekkid.

well, not nekkid nekkid (i kept my pants on). but nekkid enough to hurt when the grease popped.

i know this visualization is enough to set most of you back in your therapy by about three years but these are drastic times and they call for drastic measures.

i had to be sure.

not a pop. not a hiss. not a sizzle.

an excellent pan of bacon complementing an excellent pair of eggs, and excellent buttered toast.

the suns are perceptibly closer.

the sky is perceptibly redder.

the shuttle to mars is overdue.

and there’s no more bacon.


4 Responses to “end times”

  1. Bill Montanary Says:

    Jungle, As long as you’re on poilitics, here’s this:
    These two headlines were in today’s news in San Francisco:
    • California will be out of money by March, state officials say
    • Men hardwired to overspend to attract mates, study finds

    Connection? Enquiring minds want to know. And since we’ll be out of money in March, see you the beginning of April.

  2. I think it would be funny the first time she tried to introduce a bill or call for order. After that, all humor would be lost.

  3. Yikes, can you imagine her voice trying to pull off a philibuster?

  4. What next, Urkel for Obama’s seat?

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